December 31,2010

I can't believe that today is the last day of 2010! This year has really flown by. The old saying goes "time flies when you're having fun", but it also flies when you are stressed to the max and worried about the people you love. It is always interesting to me when I look back and see how God uses difficulties in our lives to show us a path we should take in the future. I have seen that I have the capacity to be strong for those around me facing the loss of a very dear loved one. I have found that I thrive caring for someone that has always been my caretaker. I have realized that although I have never wanted to be a teacher, I have been one for the last fifteen years. But I think the most profound thing I have learned about myself this year is that I put stumbling blocks in the path the I want to take due to fear. Fear is a strong weapon satan uses to keep us from seeing God's plan for our lives. If we constantly give into that fear then we in some ways become followers of the evil one. Having said that I realize that the upcoming year is really going to test my resolve to not be as I have been in years past, fearful. So I have chosen a word that will be my "mantra" for 2011...FEARLESS. I will be fearless in the knowledge that God is with me in every step I take, in every decision I make, in every thought I think, in every word that comes from my mouth, in every thing He is my shield of FEARLESSNESS!

My new goal for my blog is to start posting pictures. This is especially important since I have started down the road to redecorate as many rooms in my house as possible before Christmas. I know it sounds nuts, the hubby thinks so too and wants to excuse himself from any and all handyman duties. The first room I'm working on is the transformation of the "unplayroom" over the garage to the awesome teen suite for Madison. So far I have the walls painted an amazing shade of smoky plumish-purple. Actually, I have to give a big high five to Madison for her great painting skills, thanks to her it was almost entirely finished in about 3 hours. Now if I can just find my extender poll I could finish the walls above the stairs. The vision for the room is boutique hotel style. The most exciting project for the room is the door to desk. That's right, we are taking an old door and revamping it into a fabulous desk. I can't wait!! So I really need to wrap my head around loading pictures to my posts. Guess I better start reading the help section. Wish me luck!!!

Busy, Boring, Beautiful

I have totally enjoyed today. Helped a friend fix a costume for her daughter and got some great conversation time. Then headed off to Portsmouth Naval Hospital with Greg and the little girls for his pain management appointment. Caroline and Allison really surprised me with their amazing behavior. I know that they are sweet girls and can be darling but in situations where we are just sitting and waiting, well they tend to lean to the demonic end of the spectrum. Thankfully today was a blessing. They sat happily, checking out a couple of toys in the waiting room and talking to each other. Only after 2 and a half hours did they start to have mild complaints. I really couldn't blame them, we were all starving, we had left the house without snacks and missed lunch. Bad mommy! So they got a big treat of McDonald's for what we,thanks to Caroline, affecionately named "dinch", dinner and lunch morphed together.
The rest of the day went smoothly. The big girls got home. We all ate. We worked on some homework. We all vegged out and everybody just enjoyed a quiet, uneventful evening. Sometimes I just love do-nothing nights. They don't happen often but when they do, I savor every moment. I think most people today just don't know how to appreciate the beauty of boring.

So lately I have been pretty busy with my half homeschool schedule and wishing that I was rich enough to have all the girls in this program with Oaktree. I mean I feel so guilty every time they go to their respective schools. I would love to pull them out and start full time homeschooling with an awesome curriculum I have found online but I think at this point in the year it would do more harm than good. So I pray a lot! I make plans for next year when they will either be at Oaktree or full time with me. It cracks me up that I am enjoying this way of life so much. I NEVER wanted to homeschool, in fact I thought all homeschool kids and parents were a little on the odd side. Thankfully my perception has changed!
Of course all this desire to have my kids "un-public schooled" is made even more difficult for my husband to swallow due to the fact that I am supposed to be starting college(again) in January. I know he means well but his lack of confidence in my plans and schemes is very disheartening. I wish I had some magic potion to give him that would help him to see things through my eyes. I mean in my mind it all flows so smoothly and there are rainbows and sweet little butterflies flitting from child to child as I teach and study and bake homemade bread and sew and all the girls get along and they help each other lovingly and... Ok, enough dreaming. All I know is I think it is the right thing for me and the girls and the hubby if he will just embrace it.

This has been an exciting week for some of our friends. They welcomed a sweet little boy to their wonderful family. I am thrilled for them. I am escpecially excited to hold him. I just love holding a baby. But it comes at a time for me that is always difficult. There are two days that always bring me to such a low point and the weeks leading up to them are pretty rough. March 27th is the first, the day we lost our third baby. October 15th is the second, the day that baby was due. I wish we were planning a birthday party but we aren't. We are instead sadly thinking of what could have been, what should have been. I am also thinking about how over these past eight years if it would have been a little easier if I could have known if the baby was a boy or a girl. Would it make it easier to have a name to go with the little soul that left here too soon? At the time I thought knowing would make it harder, now I think that was so wrong. So this year like all the others I will pray that my baby is being held by his or her heavenly Father patiently waiting for me to one day be there.

Back Again

Well, here I go again. Trying to get back into the blogging swing is like trying to diet when you work at a Krispy Kreme! I have all these amazing thoughts running around in my head every night as I collapse into bed too exhausted to actually get up and type what is churning in my brain but not to tired to think out every single word as I am trying to drift off. I really should put one of the laptops next to the bed, then I could just roll over type and then roll back into the fetus postion I so love and snooze. Or maybe I could get one of those tiny recorders and just start talking and then transcribe it all when the sun comes up! Yeah, I don't think Greg would love me too much if every night as he is lulling himself into dreamland with his schizophrenic twitches I start gabbing about what has gone on in my day. So I guess I will just have to remember my thoughts each day, then sometime during the following day eek out a few minutes to sit in a nice, quiet, sunfilled spot and let the writer in me take over. (Now at this point I am giggling.) Cause like really when do I find that. At this very moment the little girls are playing hotel with Ginger and running in and out of the back door. Grady keeps growling and wanting me to give him a treat. The tv is on, which is a big deal around here lately since I banned it when school started. And now it's time to go pick up Madison from school.

Well, if I was in Virginia I would be starting my first day of classes tomorrow. But due to unforseen circumstances I will be delaying my freshman year until January. At first I was pretty bummed but I have now come to realize that it was a blessing. I will be able to get the girls all settled in to their new schools and get our routine down before I jump in to my educational journey. I am so thankful that I am not a type A personality! I would so be having a hissy fit by now and Greg would be thinking he needed to up my meds without my knowledge.