Busy, Boring, Beautiful

I have totally enjoyed today. Helped a friend fix a costume for her daughter and got some great conversation time. Then headed off to Portsmouth Naval Hospital with Greg and the little girls for his pain management appointment. Caroline and Allison really surprised me with their amazing behavior. I know that they are sweet girls and can be darling but in situations where we are just sitting and waiting, well they tend to lean to the demonic end of the spectrum. Thankfully today was a blessing. They sat happily, checking out a couple of toys in the waiting room and talking to each other. Only after 2 and a half hours did they start to have mild complaints. I really couldn't blame them, we were all starving, we had left the house without snacks and missed lunch. Bad mommy! So they got a big treat of McDonald's for what we,thanks to Caroline, affecionately named "dinch", dinner and lunch morphed together.
The rest of the day went smoothly. The big girls got home. We all ate. We worked on some homework. We all vegged out and everybody just enjoyed a quiet, uneventful evening. Sometimes I just love do-nothing nights. They don't happen often but when they do, I savor every moment. I think most people today just don't know how to appreciate the beauty of boring.

So lately I have been pretty busy with my half homeschool schedule and wishing that I was rich enough to have all the girls in this program with Oaktree. I mean I feel so guilty every time they go to their respective schools. I would love to pull them out and start full time homeschooling with an awesome curriculum I have found online but I think at this point in the year it would do more harm than good. So I pray a lot! I make plans for next year when they will either be at Oaktree or full time with me. It cracks me up that I am enjoying this way of life so much. I NEVER wanted to homeschool, in fact I thought all homeschool kids and parents were a little on the odd side. Thankfully my perception has changed!
Of course all this desire to have my kids "un-public schooled" is made even more difficult for my husband to swallow due to the fact that I am supposed to be starting college(again) in January. I know he means well but his lack of confidence in my plans and schemes is very disheartening. I wish I had some magic potion to give him that would help him to see things through my eyes. I mean in my mind it all flows so smoothly and there are rainbows and sweet little butterflies flitting from child to child as I teach and study and bake homemade bread and sew and all the girls get along and they help each other lovingly and... Ok, enough dreaming. All I know is I think it is the right thing for me and the girls and the hubby if he will just embrace it.

This has been an exciting week for some of our friends. They welcomed a sweet little boy to their wonderful family. I am thrilled for them. I am escpecially excited to hold him. I just love holding a baby. But it comes at a time for me that is always difficult. There are two days that always bring me to such a low point and the weeks leading up to them are pretty rough. March 27th is the first, the day we lost our third baby. October 15th is the second, the day that baby was due. I wish we were planning a birthday party but we aren't. We are instead sadly thinking of what could have been, what should have been. I am also thinking about how over these past eight years if it would have been a little easier if I could have known if the baby was a boy or a girl. Would it make it easier to have a name to go with the little soul that left here too soon? At the time I thought knowing would make it harder, now I think that was so wrong. So this year like all the others I will pray that my baby is being held by his or her heavenly Father patiently waiting for me to one day be there.