Back Again

Well, here I go again. Trying to get back into the blogging swing is like trying to diet when you work at a Krispy Kreme! I have all these amazing thoughts running around in my head every night as I collapse into bed too exhausted to actually get up and type what is churning in my brain but not to tired to think out every single word as I am trying to drift off. I really should put one of the laptops next to the bed, then I could just roll over type and then roll back into the fetus postion I so love and snooze. Or maybe I could get one of those tiny recorders and just start talking and then transcribe it all when the sun comes up! Yeah, I don't think Greg would love me too much if every night as he is lulling himself into dreamland with his schizophrenic twitches I start gabbing about what has gone on in my day. So I guess I will just have to remember my thoughts each day, then sometime during the following day eek out a few minutes to sit in a nice, quiet, sunfilled spot and let the writer in me take over. (Now at this point I am giggling.) Cause like really when do I find that. At this very moment the little girls are playing hotel with Ginger and running in and out of the back door. Grady keeps growling and wanting me to give him a treat. The tv is on, which is a big deal around here lately since I banned it when school started. And now it's time to go pick up Madison from school.

Well, if I was in Virginia I would be starting my first day of classes tomorrow. But due to unforseen circumstances I will be delaying my freshman year until January. At first I was pretty bummed but I have now come to realize that it was a blessing. I will be able to get the girls all settled in to their new schools and get our routine down before I jump in to my educational journey. I am so thankful that I am not a type A personality! I would so be having a hissy fit by now and Greg would be thinking he needed to up my meds without my knowledge.

Exercise, why do I hate thee?

So I am on my way to pick up the hubby last night. It's been a week. I'm sure that he has worked out and run every day. Why can't I find the motivation, the endurance, the love for excerise? Hubby really does love it! If he doesn't get to the gym, he is a very grouchy gus.

I know the benefits of exercising. I know it's the only way for me to lose weight and keep it off. I know that it releases endorphins that make me less postal. So why can't I commit to it everyday?

It's not that the mere thought of exercise disgusts me...far from it. I actually love to fantasize about being a runner or triathalete. I love the way I feel after I come back from the gym or a run/walk, but I can never stick with it every single day.

Something has to change! I want to love exercising everyday! Wonder how long it will take me to follow through with that statement?

Memories and other drama

It seems like forever since my last post. Life here has been an emotional rollercoaster. Greg was gone, Greg was here, Aunt Farris's cancer is back full blown, Greg is gone again, Granny went into the hospital for pnuemonia and left with a possible cancer diagnoses, the girls are bored, the kitchen hasn't been finished.... So the venting helps to calm my nerves. Let's see what I can post about other than the crazy stuff going on.

So here I am in this place I call my hometown. Every road I take has some memory attached to it. I hear a song from the "old days" and my mind floods with images of life as a kid/teen in a small town. It's funny how places and songs go hand in hand to form some of the best thoughts one can have as they get older.

I'm sure the girls get tired of the stories that I recall as we drive around. "That's where Amy lived." "Over there is where I used to buy gas for .79 cents a gallon and get powdered donuts and chocolate milk on my way to school." "This is the road I drove to church, often reaching speeds close to 100 miles an hour." IF they are sick of the reminiscing they are keeping it to themselves, which I greatly appreciate. Speaking aloud the thoughts of this place make it seem fun, romantic, even magical! Of course there are the occasional sad memories, I mean they can't all be great, but somehow it's easier to think about the heartbreaking times when it is all wrapped up in warm, fuzziness.

Despite the fact that my girls haven't grown up in the same town since birth I hope that I have equipped them with the tools to love the places we've lived and to treasure the things we've done there. To lock some great times away in their memory vaults. I hope one day they will take their kids back to the cities that were their hometowns and tell the stories that make them smile when the thought crosses their minds.

Today as I sat in the church where I was married I was struck by how much smaller it looked than on that cold December day almost 19 years ago. That day is was warm not just from the heater but from all the love that filled the space. Today it was cold, not from the blasting air conditioning, but from the people that sat in the pews that I didn't know and probably would never know. Having lived away since the day I married and having attended more churches than I can count on one hand my perspective of this little place has completely changed. Now this was not the church I was raised in. That little congregation is barely hanging on but still the people are kind and you can feel something, the Holy Spirit or the closesness they feel for one another, their family. Sticking together through good times and bad. But the church where I married it's just a building filled with people that are dutifully filling pews, singing hymns that I know by heart, bowing there heads and yet barely speaking to each other much less a visitor. There is tension in this place like they hardly know each other. Shouldn't they want to share life's ups and downs and prepare for spending eternity together? Maybe I am being too hard on them. Maybe I am too disconnected from them, only coming to visit a few times a year. Maybe I need to pray for them more and pray for God to give me an understanding about this church. All I know is that the church where we are members now fills me with joy before I even step in the door. When I am feeling down, the people there come in and lift me up. I know that when I sin my family there doesn't judge me, they pray for me and cry with me and help me renew my relationship with God. I want that feeling for everyone that enters a church, any church.

Too Close?

I feel like I have been gone forever, (it's been over two weeks since we left Virginia). Not just from my house but from my blog. Things are going well but I can rarely find the time to sit at the computer without an audience. It's hard for me to write what I am thinking when there are anywhere from 2 to 6 people hovering about me.

I really don't think I could have survived the communal lifestyle of the late sixties and early seventies. Geez, those freaks did everything together; eat, sleep, play...EVERYTHING!

Having said all that, I do love that we are together. The three older girls are sharing a room here at Nana's. I hear them giggling at night, fussing over what movie to watch, and then saying "I love you" to each other before they fall asleep. They may complain,as do I, about the constant closeness but these are memories they will cherish when they are grown.

Tennessee

We arrived in Tennessee yesterday afternoon. I was, as always, apprehensive about leaving our "home" to return "HOME"; this time was harder because we will be traveling for 2 months. All my apprehension melted away as I stood on the back deck of my mother-in-law's house gazing out over the expanse of yard and forest. The temperature here is unreal, cool and breezy in the late evening and early morning. I think this may be what heaven is like. I can picture myself sitting in a swing growing old here, watching the grandchildren romp with the dogs. Ah! Life is good...